Black Horror Humor

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Go out to LA Comin from the. [00:00:03] Speaker B: City where no pity is. [00:00:04] Speaker A: Shell. [00:00:04] Speaker C: Shell. [00:00:04] Speaker A: Somebody need to do a song for la. [00:00:06] Speaker B: Straight up. [00:00:13] Speaker C: Hello, my name is Elaine, and I'll be your tour guide through South Central Los Angeles. [00:00:18] Speaker B: Look, count my dough and smoke up. I'm from California. Where you from? [00:00:23] Speaker C: So what? [00:00:24] Speaker B: I'm from California, Cal. California. California. [00:00:29] Speaker A: This is Los Angeles. [00:00:30] Speaker D: Well, where? [00:00:31] Speaker C: Word. [00:00:37] Speaker D: My honey, I. [00:01:07] Speaker A: That creepy. It's creepy, but it's a banger, though, at the same time. I probably shouldn't even have played it that long. But anyways, we here. We here. And. And I got a special show for y'. [00:01:23] Speaker C: All. [00:01:23] Speaker A: Real special show for y'. [00:01:25] Speaker D: All. [00:01:25] Speaker A: And this is for Halloween. It's a special edition. I don't even think I've ever had a Halloween. I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. But I had a couple of friends help me create this phenomenal episode. All Halloween is all horror, but it's black, though. You know what I'm saying? So you're going to hear a couple of questions. Not only that, you are going to hear a couple of scenarios and tough, little tough situations here and there, you know what I'm saying? And we're gonna see how we gonna. We're gonna see how we gonna get through it. [00:02:04] Speaker D: I think the first question is, we always talk about how you would be the emotional death. So would you want to know in this horror movie scenario, would you want to know that you will be the emotional death so you know that you'll make a connection with the audience? You know, you make connection amongst the friends, but you're still going to go, like, will die. It will just be very emotional for everyone. Would you want to know ahead of time, or are you cool with just, like, figuring it out later on? Like, oh, man, I'm going, y', all, I'm gone. The second scenario, okay, the second scenario, I'll say it's the classic going on a trip to go link up with some more people. It's you and your college friend that you ain't seen in a minute, and y' all are going to meet up at the Airbnb or whatever with the rest of the group, but when you get there, no one else. And it turns out that now you're in this cat mouse game with the college friend that you brought up with because he brought you out there on purpose to take you out. Like, how would you handle being in that situation? I can't decide if you're in the city or in the country for that one. It would make more Sense to you than the country, because that's kind of like the horror film trope. [00:03:44] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:44] Speaker D: Would I be curious if you were the city? Like, how would you. How would you figure it out? Because you don't have fees, don't work. Like, you don't know how you're gonna get out. You don't know what this part. You don't even know that this person is behind all of this. It's just weird stuff that just keeps happening. Your phone's not working, can't find the key, can't get out. You try to go to the neighbors, but the whole street gets dark. [00:04:08] Speaker A: Damn. [00:04:09] Speaker D: What are you doing? Okay, okay, last one. [00:04:14] Speaker C: Here we go. [00:04:15] Speaker D: Third scenario. Third scenario. [00:04:16] Speaker A: Third. [00:04:19] Speaker D: You wake up in a room. [00:04:21] Speaker A: I scared. [00:04:23] Speaker D: And you don't recognize the room that you're in. You can't really remember how you got there, but you hear someone coming up the stairs. What are you doing? [00:04:36] Speaker A: The. [00:04:38] Speaker D: I feel like you go a lot of different ways with a few of these, so I want to hear your thoughts. I can't wait for the episode. [00:04:44] Speaker A: There's only one way to go out the window. First of all, the emotional death. Yes. And let me tell you why. Let me tell you why I would want to know ahead of time. I'm gonna tell you why. I want to know ahead of time so I can leave y' all with that tape. Y' all know the tape that I'm talking about, But I feel like I gotta be it because I want to leave y', all, like, an inspiring message or something. Like a way to strategize against the villain. Like, I got some inside game, a blueprint or something like that. I want that last video to mean something. Like that's gonna be your go to. You know what I mean? Y' all remember in, like, in Scream, Scream two, You know what I'm saying? I think what Randy. Yeah, yeah. It's like that. It's like. That was sick. We were sad, Glenn. The walking dead sad. You know what I'm saying? But at least Randy got to leave a tape behind. Like, hey, I knew I wasn't gonna make it. I'm just letting y' all know. I. I know. I know the steps. I got the key to. To success. This is what y' all need to know. I'm not here no more. I'm not here no more. Yes, I want to know. I want to know at the end of the day, you know what I'm saying? Second one. Second one. Second one. Oh, so the whole college thing, like, all of a sudden at&t up can't use my phone. You would have to make it. You would have to make it the woods. I'm going tell you why. I'm gonna be able to get away. Whatever I need to get the fuck away from. If I'm in the city, I'm a city boy, so I. I know the streets. I'm out of there. It's too many. Yeah, I'm out now. The woods, that's different. That's different. And it's dangerous. Oh, it gets ugly out there. Y' all seen Leatherface that gets active in the. [00:06:50] Speaker C: In that. [00:06:50] Speaker A: In that type of region, he gets active, and you know what I'm saying? So first of all, I don't have a college classmate or roommate or whatever the. That I would just be like, hey, yeah, let's go to this random country or. Or woods area. And. [00:07:14] Speaker E: And. [00:07:14] Speaker A: And. And just me and you. Like, whoa, brother. I don't. I don't think I know anybody like that, right? But let's just go along with it, okay? Get there. First of all, it's already creepy because why are we in Montana and it's just two dudes? You know, because we went to college and we was cool. Went to a gang of different parties and shit like that. It's already weird. It's already weird. So the fact that I'm going. I'm weird, okay? Because I don't know what this is. And we. It's. It's the woods, bro. It don't matter which woods you pick. You're lost. You gotta have a map. You know what the. Is in the woods. Gonna handle. Goddamn Chance. I'll tell you what. I'm out. I'm just gonna go back home. That ship stop working. Ain't answering phone. My phone stopped working. I'm going back, bro. I'm getting right back on that plane. Red eye, get me back home. Now. As far as waking up and. And you not knowing where you at, you. [00:08:30] Speaker C: You. [00:08:31] Speaker A: This is unfamiliar. And then you hear a Coming up the steps. Let me tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna wait. I'm away. I need to see who they are first. I need to see what it is. I gotta see what it is. You know what I'm saying? So. Or I might. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I got another one. So I'm. Open up the window, right? I'm. Open up the window. But I'm. I'm. I'm gonna put my shoes. I'm gonna set my shoes up under the bed. So to make it look like I'm hiding under the bed with my feet sticking out, right? Then I'm gonna run and hide behind the door. And then, you know, whatever come through that door is what I'm is is fight or flight after that. If I feel like I could take you, then all right. But if not, I'm running down those stairs so fast, brother. Okay, that then that's if they dumb enough to go for the shoe trick. You know what I'm saying? Depending on what I see, I might just jump out the motherfucking window. I'm a break his shoulder it. I got to get out of there. Everybody has jumped off the second floor at some point. They either sprained the ankle or they heard something to where you can't run 100%. Every and in most of these scary movies come from that second floor off that roof. And they gonna break something. They gonna. A fibula. They gonna break a fibula and they can't run as fast as they as they could. That's what happens, man. I'm telling you, I was there. I was there, I was there. But I want to thank you, Leah. I want to thank you for sending that r. I want to thank. I want to thank you. That was just beautiful. Just beautiful. What we got? What we got next? [00:10:25] Speaker F: What's up, Bailey? You know it's your girl Brit break, you said? [00:10:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:33] Speaker F: Questions about Halloween, right? [00:10:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:38] Speaker F: So I got a couple. And take the first one however, which way you want to run with it, right? Take it how you want to. That's what she said. But how many bodies does Jason have? How many bodies do you think Myers has? [00:10:57] Speaker A: Both of them. [00:10:58] Speaker F: How many bodies do you think Freddie has? Who has the highest body count? [00:11:04] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:11:07] Speaker A: That'S a good one. [00:11:08] Speaker F: And my next question, come on. Because you know I don't do the scary movie thing, but trying to see where your mental is at. Okay, what is the perfect beginner movie? Okay, Someone who doesn't do scary movies. Never watched scary movies. What's your beginner movie level? Yeah name like two and for like master I ain't scared of level. What's like the all time like. Oh, if you watch that and you don't flinch like you ain't scared of movie. Just wondering. [00:11:48] Speaker A: All right, first and foremost. Thank you, Britt. Thank you, Brittany. Oh, we're gonna do the body count, right? So yeah, I actually got the body count. So the body count goes as this Jason is in first place right now. Okay, well we don't. Let's Start from the bottom. We got Pinhead, Hellraiser. He has roughly 35 just lowered in Ghostface. We're gonna get to that. So he has 35 bodies on him, right? That's hard to believe. Next up, Leatherface got 30. That's. That's crazy. You only got 31 bodies. That's crazy. Ghost faces at 35 plus. Red 35 plus. And then we got Freddy. Now we get into The. The top three all time. We're talking about the MJ's, the Kobe's and LeBron's, right? And we got Freddie at. At 48. 48 plus, I think. 48 plus. But Freddy's at 48. And then. And then we gotta. We go to Mike. We go to Double M. Y' all go from MJ to double M, which to Mike Myers, he's around 160 plus. 160. 160. And then you got Jason, like I said earlier, a whopping over 200, you know what I'm saying? With 151 on screen. So they saying that nigga was doing dirt, you know, behind the scenes. Like the nigga got 200 plus bodies, right? That's Jason. Jason for. He's. You know what I'm saying? So that is what that is. Great question. Second question. The perfect beginning beginner, right? So the perfect beginner movie or. And. Or show probably Thriller. Start off with Thriller. You gonna be. You're gonna feel safe initially because it's Michael Jackson. But then that, that. That mini movie. It really was something crazy, though. Especially when that. Turn into a zombie, turning into a wolf. Like, it was ugly when he was transforming into the wolf, but when that was that green, when he looked like he just. He really needs something to eat. He been starving. That's when I was like, what the fuck is that? Scared the shit out of me. You know what I'm saying? That was the. That was my. That was the beginning stages along with shit like. All right, so you got the. You got the. You got the Thriller video. Oh. Oh. Also, it depends on the error, because now I'm gonna say Stranger Things. Stranger Things is a great one, you know, because they got a lot of drama in there too, you know, for you to grasp on, you know what I'm saying? So it's just not, you know, and it's. And it's. It's. It's like. It's like a teen horror hybrid, you know what I'm saying? Like, it ain't. It ain't too scary, but it's scary Enough. But I think a lot of it has to do with the whole, you know, I don't want to give it away. I don't want to give it away. But no, it's, this is a pretty good starter, you know what I'm saying? Goosebumps, you know what I'm saying? Goosebumps is a good one. Remember, are you afraid of the dark snick at night? You know what I'm saying? Erie, Indiana, you know, start off with something, something like that. Something about goosebumps. Like I said, man, that's a good one. That's a good one right there. Now when you talk about that, like put hot sauce on a burrito, baby. Huh? When we talk about that, some, some, some real like boogeyman scary though. Again, it all depends on the error because look, you got to understand them, them that was, you know, that came out in, that was born before the 80s, you know, these Exorcist was, was. It shook them up, you know what I'm saying? But for my era, for my era, I was born in 82. That's Freddy out the gate. That Freddy shook up my I, I. Freddy might be Freddie. Might be who? Freddie might be Allen Iverson. Huh? Right? No. Or do you think, do you think Freddie is a, is a, is a Kobe or do you think Freddie is a Iverson? Because the impact is there. The impact is there, you know what I'm saying? But that's who niggas was really scared of, you know what I'm saying? I think Ghostface is another one of those, like Scream. You might want to stay that. Like, that's, that's the heavy hitters, right? Because there's a lot of shock value, you know what I'm saying? It's a lot of, you know, they say hereditary is, is one of them ones, you know what I'm saying? Paranormal. For me, I forgot which one it was. I want to say was like Paranormal 4. Whichever one Toby was a part of with the cute ass wife. Yeah, that one was shaking. That, that, that, that type of. Right there. Have a nigga shook, you know what I'm saying? So, you know, and then, and then I think the new boogeyman, the new face of the boogeymanness, man, Drake talks about it, man, a black phone. Black phone might be wanting them. Ethan Hawk, man. Black. It might be one of them ones. He might be. He, he, he might be. He might be. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. I think, I don't know. Let's keep it rolling, though, man. [00:17:38] Speaker E: My bad, bro. I was thinking about it today. I, like, I went to sleep early last night. These past couple days been a bit scary movie scenarios. [00:17:49] Speaker A: I think this. [00:17:51] Speaker E: I love the one about the zombies. When it comes down to it, would you really want to survive the zombie apocalypse? And who will be your crew? Who would you bring with you? Give me six people. You want to roll with you in the zombie apocalypse to survive, you know, that's what I want to know. So that's one. It's a zombie apocalypse here. There are six people that will be part of your crew. [00:18:25] Speaker A: Okay, I. I broke this down. I. I broke this down. Zombie apocalypse. I would want to survive so I can be the sacrificial emotion of death. Like how Glenn died on the Walking Dead or like Randy and scream. Like I said, look, the six people that I'm gonna pick, you gotta hear me out. Hussain Boat, LeBron James, Marcy James, Harrison and Jason Voorhees. Y' all didn't say I couldn't pick another. Y', all. Y', all, y'. [00:19:07] Speaker C: All. [00:19:07] Speaker A: You didn't say I couldn't pick a villain. You couldn't say. You didn't say that. You didn't say. You didn't say that. That's all I'm saying. You didn't say that. So that's why I got how many niggas who run fast? I'm gonna need LeBron for the chest pass because you know what we gonna do? We throwing it at people faces. I need Marcy because I gotta have sex. Yeah. That's basically what I'm talking about. [00:19:41] Speaker E: All right, my second question is, if you was the boogeyman. Oh, if you was the bad guy. [00:19:48] Speaker A: Shut up. [00:19:48] Speaker E: How successful do you think you'll be? Like, and I will be like, what would you want your power to be and what type? And like, you gotta tell me. Would you want to be in the city? Would you want to be a little small town or whatever? Would you want to be on a college dorm? Like, what would you go after? You, like, you got to get. What's your origin story? Tell me, if you was a boogeyman? Boogeyman Baylor, what would that look like? And who would be a big. Like, you got to give me, like, why are you coming from these people, too? Would you want to be like, you know, ghost face to have just a crew and just be real? Or you want to be like, the grabber or something of that nature? Any kind of weird hook game mix with kids? Well, all in all being said, that's the. That's the what would be your boogeyman backstory. [00:20:39] Speaker A: I'm glad you asked. My what? Hey, hey. I would be called the catalog. Let me tell you why, Drake. They're gonna call me the catalog. I'm an inspired Myers and go face boogeyman with Leatherface strength and Jason's agenda. Nigga, I go after gender, woman, war, red pill women who don't like Cheesecake Factory. What I'm calling you. I'm called the catalog. I am. I am the baby that was created by Jason, Michael Myers, Freddie, Chucky, Pinhead, Ghost Face, Leatherface. Like, I am an accumulation of all these things. I shift into each one. I am the catalog. I get to choose on the spot how to kill you with who I want to be like right then and there. That's crazy. That's crazy right there. The catalog. My. I said I don't take that from me. Don't take that from me. These are great questions, by the way. Phenomenal questions, by the way. What? What? Thank you. [00:22:07] Speaker C: All right, y' all already know who this is. Y' all know whose throat this is. This is for Baylor's Thriller episode. All right, so my first question is, what if the woman in the yard was a comedy instead of a thriller, and the comedy was basically a black version of a Karen that always be at people's houses complaining about dumb shit. And I guess compared to the actual movie that's supposed to be like a thriller is like a parody. Do you think people will watch it? Okay, that's my first question. [00:23:12] Speaker A: What kind of edible are you off, sister Shan? Huh? What in the tire. Yes, we already have. Is called Tyler Perry. We have that already. That's. That's what that is, huh? That's what that is. A cult, a heritage. Yeah. You know what it is? Hey, we would ride. Our story would start with slavery. It would be an uprise. That's what it would be. If it was flipped around, it would be. It would be that, like, the rebellion would be crazy. It would be historic. [00:24:03] Speaker C: My second question is, what horror film? That's a black horror film. Should they do a new version of with new actors? Is it one? Tales from the Hood? Is it two? The leprechaun goes to the hood? Or is it three? What it. What would be three? What's a black horror film? I want to say they should make Thriller, Thriller, MJ's video into like, a movie, but I don't think we have that good of actor group that could dance, act, and that Makeup team. I don't think any production movie set would want to take that on, but I would watch it. Okay, my third one's coming up. Hold on, hold on. [00:25:24] Speaker A: Wait. What did she say? Run that back. [00:25:29] Speaker C: My second question is, what horror film? That's a black. [00:25:41] Speaker A: Oh, okay, I got it. I got it. I got it. All right, all right, I got it. That would be. I would say tells. I would say Tales from the Hood, because you can make multiple chapters of that, right? That Leprechaun in the Hood, that shit was terrible. That was just. What the fuck? That was terrible. All right, But a revamped thriller. I'm there for that. Give me maybe the Weeknd or Scissor or we do want to flip the story and just make it a woman or whatever. I say Scissor. Hell, yeah. Scissor in a thriller revamp or. Or the Weekend, Because I. I already consider him the toxic Michael Jackson anyway, right? So, yeah, I would say Tell. I would say Tales from the Hood. Yeah. Tails from the Hood. By far. By far. By far. It's not even close. Not even close. All right, what else? What we got? What we got? [00:26:50] Speaker C: Hopefully you watch this, Drake. This ain't for you. This is for Baylor. I know you watch this, but what would be the black version of Hereditary for our. For our culture? Like, if we had to go down the line in our family and being a part of a cult for our culture, what would be our version of Hereditary? Because that was a good movie. I wouldn't mind a hereditary too. Sidebar. I am really pissed off that they made a whole show about dairy when we've already seen enough. It. Can we move on, please? Shots. But thank you. Those are my questions. I hope you have a great episode, everybody. For Halloween, please be mindful. Drive slow. Drive slow, homie. Drive slow. Check that, kid. Them kids candy. Separate your chocolates and your sours and your gummies and do not mix any mint candy in the candy jar with others, okay? Mint is gonna make everything taste and smell like mint. What else? I want to say, if you're gonna do a costume, do it justice, okay? Me, personally, I think I'm just gonna wear a mask this year because I have to leave work early to go trick or treating with the girls. Either way, enjoy yourselves. Have a good time. Appreciate the people that actually went out and bought that 22 bag of candy to give out to complete strangers. Appreciate the people who bought that 30 bag of candy to give out to strangers. Watch out for the little kids. Don't be rude and don't be double dipping your hands in there and say thank you. Okay? Don't let your kids be rude. All right, I'm done. [00:29:08] Speaker A: God damn it, Shan. I gotta play this shit over. [00:29:13] Speaker C: Hopefully you watch this. [00:29:15] Speaker A: Okay, so the hereditary thing. I haven't seen hereditary, but if I could answer. If I could still answer your question, I guess the best way I can, I would say our origin story would be the Black Panther. I don't know if that makes sense, but I felt like it does. What was the next thing? What was the next thing? [00:29:41] Speaker C: Drake, sidebar. I am really pissed off. [00:29:44] Speaker A: Oh, that. So, look, I'm not a fan of great franchises turning into TV shows because I'm like, what the. Like, what's the purpose? You know what I mean? Like, I don't. I just don't feel like. I don't feel like it makes sense, you know? I'm gonna watch it, like, if I get bored, but. No, I'm not. I'm. I'm kind of with you. I'm not. And I love it. I love Pennywise. I love. I love it. No, I think they have. They have got so many movies. So many movies that could be done with this guy in different eras. You know what I'm saying? Different codes, different reasons. Is. It could. It could go. It could go. But I'm not a fan of, like, you know, you know, Scream or, like, Friday the 13th. Having a TV show. Like, what the fuck, bro? That's so. That's corny. It's corny to me. Keep it. Keep it. Keep it with the movies. Keep it with the movies. These were some great, great questions, though. Great questions. But I' ma just tell you like this. Leah. Hey, come up that stairs. Chest pass to the face. I'm out of there, bro. Like, what even are. What is you? I don't know, but I'm out. I might not even take a look and see what it is. I might give you about two or three steps inside that door and I'm out. And if I feel like. If I feel like you too smart to know that I'm behind the door, I'm jumping off that second floor, breaking my shoulder blade, collarbone gone. But I'm out. Because whatever you is, is not about to catch me. That's a fact. Liv. You can't come up them stairs if you want to. Come up them stairs if you want to. I'm out. I'm not. We're not about to kick it. No, you're a danger. Okay. Fuck outta here, man. Hey, I watched too many scary movies to get caught, okay? About to run my ass outside in the middle of the street. Middle of the motherfucking street, and then look in a purge, right? [00:32:07] Speaker C: Purge. [00:32:09] Speaker A: That's a cold. I'm gonna take something. Let me tell you something about the purge, man. You got. You got a. The opportunity to just chip off anybody that you want. You gotta board up the house. You gotta protect the fort. It's gonna get crazy out there. And they just gotta go back to work the next day like nothing happened. Like, Bob from accounting is dead and one of you niggas here killed him. And now we're gonna wait next year because nigga's gonna try to get what. Whoever came up with that kind. Whoever was high and thought about the purge. My, it's crazy out here. Hey, man, at the time of this recording, my Dodgers is like, in the 18th inning. My God. And you're not my girl. You're just my man.